Important Literary Journal publishes only the classiest stuff. Whip this baby out on public transportation, and you'll be one impressive mofo. People will be like, "Look at THAT person. They gotta be some kinda genius reading classy stuff like that! It looks all intellectual and what not."
Next time you and your friends are shooting guns at bottles in the junkyard, you can bust out your Important Literary Journal and be all, "Let me ponder this sophisticated assemblage of erudite potpourri whilst y'all set up some more bottles for me to shoot."
How amplified will your swagger be when you woo paramours with the line, "I was just reading Important Literary Journal, and it said--"
You'll be naked in no time!
Enjoy your new life!