Evil Jesus

When your evil prayers are answered, who do you thank? Who can you pray to for the strength to crush your rival coworkers? Who grants you courage as you pull out your fake ID? Whose is the voice that rings through yours as you explain that you were too sick to help your friend move? Satan? Doubtful. That pretentious jerk’s not interested in helping anybody. No, the Deity you’re looking for is Evil Jesus.