"What do you think about Disney buying Marvel?"
"What do you think about DC firing Paul Levitz?"
"What's the deal with DC buying Marvel?"
"You nervous about DC shutting down?"
"Think that Kirby guy will get his art back?"
"You got any weed?"
I heard all of these questions, including variations on the third one (where Marvel bought DC, where the two companies combined, and a few more completely inaccurate--but fun!--versions) over the last few weeks. I don't think I was getting asked the questions because people assumed that I'd have anything to offer of value. Mostly they just asked because a comic book was somewhere nearby, or the questioner knew that I'd read a comic book once, sometime, maybe last year, it had the Riddler in it? Was Jim Carrey going to be the Riddler again?
My reaction to all of those things was, and is, pretty much the same: ahhh, uh, yeah well, and, "No, I don't have any weed."
Before The Biggest Summer Of Actual News Stories In Super-Hero Comic Books got rolling, I was messing around with this idea for a column about how the entirety of the comic internet cycle boils down to three specific categories. In my head, these categories resembled the bathtubs you find in an abandoned house when you're looking to do something in an abandoned house. Urine-stained and full of rat crap, those tubs have labels on them:
1) Reviews, complaints and praise for comic books. Practiced by people who have something interesting to say, people who have nothing interesting to say, and insane people. (If you're making an outline, you'd probably want to break down "insane people" into "axe-grinding loonies" and "omigod, this is great, what a whack-job".)
2) Advertisements for upcoming comic books, "graphic novels" and webcomics. (Again, break that one down into 1) terrible interviews conducted by "fans", 2) Exclusive Looks At Something Coming Out and 3) SPOILER: haveuheardaboutthisOMANICANTWAIT hey look wrestling is on)
3) The End Is Nigh, Everything Is In A State Of Collapse, A Change Is Gonna Come, I Think That Was A Song That The California Raisins Did One Time
Never went much further than that with it. After all, stuff did happen, right? All those cheery pricks with their Inside Information, hell--they played it close to the vest, and when the news came down the pipe--that Disney had begun another corporate acquisition, that Time Warner had taken an active interest in how much money could be made off the DC stable of licensed characters, and that the Kirby family had decided to throw down, Fourth World style, in a Court of Law--well, garsh.
Things are changin'! Daddy was right!
Except they really aren't, are they? After those initial announcements, the reality sets in: Time Warner has to figure out how to make money off comic book characters, Marvel has to continue to be the thing that they were when Disney decided to buy them (i.e. the same thing) and the Kirby family has a legal team who has better things to do with their time than lurk around computers saying "quit calling my dad stupid, STEVEROGERSRULEZ1941". It's not like people's buying habits have drastically changed, it's not like the general method in which comics-get-made has changed. Generally speaking: ain't nothing changed, except that some people who called Paul Levitz boss last week might have to say "you might want to rework that third panel, it's kind of confusing" this week. It's a big deal for somebody: yes, of course it is, mostly lawyers and corporate types.
But is it a big deal for comics?
Ahh. Uh. Yeah well.
I don't have any weed.
Tucker Stone's writing may be found in print in Comic Foundry and online at The Factual Opinion, where he frequently reviews new releases.
This Ship Is Totally Sinking is © Tucker Stone, 2008
