All too often when comics "news" hits the scene, there's an explosion of disagreement in the comments section of whatever site took the bullet and told the tale. In hopes of saving you, dear reader, the time that should properly be spent tracking down the Dutch DVD of Michael Mann's
Jericho Mile (a film you either haven't seen in too long, or have never seen, and totally should)
This Ship Is Totally Sinking is here to give you a proper rundown of the world in breaking controversy with all the brevity and commitment to honor and justice you continue to demand. In a salute to the recently deceased Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, a great (and somewhat crazy) man, the motto "Don't lie! Don't participate in lies, don't support a lie!" will be followed. (He wrote that in all caps, so at least I'm saving you that.)
Controversy Numero Uno:
All Ya'll Need to Stop Being Mean to Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster
The facts of the case are…
A bunch of documents turned up in the recent Superman/Siegel lawsuits that are a veritable showcase of how incredibly nasty DC Comics could be when they were dealing with the work-for-hire crew slaving away to produce Superman comics. The documents, which are over fifty years old, are also kind of boring to read.
The Right Way To Think About This: A bunch of people back in the time period between 1939 and 1947 were really obnoxious jerks, possibly sexist, and probably a real pain to work for. On the scale of worst things in the world, this is a bad thing. It's not that far removed from anybody's relationship with a rude boss, and if you combed the emails of any office in just about any country, you'd find A) something pretty similar and B) a whole lot worse, but still: Bad Thing! Either way, trying to play armchair quarterback to a lawsuit over a copyright termination notice that has been in the works for at least nine years is going to strain the credibility of anyone not involved in the legal field; not to mention the fact that the argument will be played out in the comments section of a blog, which is only a few steps up from a message board, which…look, by this point you might as well grab a megaphone and head to your local playground. Your parents are scowling at you, and you're yelling at a computer.
The Wrong Way To Think About This: Bringing up a freakish love affair with a corporate property, talking about dead people who, by all accounts, were pretty nice guys, or their families, as if they are currently over at the Time Warner building stealing paper supplies and copper wiring, or just using this as another opportunity to act like comic books are going to keep you warm when death's icy hand knocks down your DVD collection and everything turns into a Bergman movie.
Controversy Numero Dos:
Take your lips off the Watchmen sales trumpet.
The facts of the case can be trusted to be….
There's a run on
Watchmen trade collections, and for the first time in a while, a comic featuring spandex clad super-hero properties has been able to top out above the latest copy of whatever manga it is that everybody but you and my wife are reading.
The Right Way To Think About This: "Hey, maybe I can talk about
Watchmen to more people now, and we can all talk about old Smashing Pumpkins songs and which one is our favorite!" (I like "Cherub Rock!" If you say "Disarm" I will laugh at you.)
The Wrong Way To Think About This: Just because a comic book collection of a stand-alone series from the mid 80's that has already been labeled as one of the best of the field is doing well because of an upcoming movie, this does not mean that it is a good idea to start securing your back issue collection of
Infinity Inc for future speculation. Most people have been waiting for another comic the like
Watchmen to come along for over twenty years. When they start knocking up these kinds of figures for
Umbrella Academy, that's when you should be comfortable in turning that pup tent into a building out there in the field of commercial viability.
Controversy Numeral Zwei
San Diego isn't about comics anymore! Somebody called somebody a geek too many times! Some people wear costumes!
The Facts Of The Case, As Things Currently Stand…
A really big comic convention happened, and some people had a good time, and somebody else was mad because a celebrity psychically told somebody that she hated them, and a guy who usually writes television shows got tired of people calling him a geek.
The Right Way To Think About This Is: To just think about it.
The Wrong Way To Think About This: To write those thoughts down and publish them, because it just makes you seem like the saddest bear at the bear farm, and now I'm not going to tip you.
Controversy Number Four Makes This A Quartet
Hey, This Kramer's Ergot 7 Is Going To Cost A Lot More Than It Would Cost To Buy The New Deathblow Trade
The Facts of the Case That Stand Proud And True…
That anthology of art comics/avant garde lunacy/stuff you don't read will reappear later this year, it will be extremely big, like
Little Nemo big, and will retail at $125.00 American.
The Right Way To Think About This Is: Isn't it wonderful to live in a country where no one will make you buy a comic if you think it's too expensive?
The Wrong Way To Think About This Is: Telling people how much money you make, telling people how much money you spend on gas, or just about any personal information dump that involves you, your spending habits and your feelings about the overall economic position of the global finance world that are bubbling up because of a comic book that you probably weren't going to buy anyway.
We can all rest assured that, since a dude on the Internet has told you what you should think, all of us can get back to relaxing with our copy of
Deathblow, which is actually not half bad, both because and in spite of the fact that it features a dinosaur crossed with Osama bin Laden who has an insatiable love of that thing that you should wait until you're older to know about. (Where babies come from.)
Tucker Stone's writing may be found in print in Comic Foundry and online at The Factual Opinion, where he frequently reviews new releases.
This Ship Is Totally Sinking is © Tucker Stone, 2008
